FAML 120: Praise

 

"That was perfect" "I'm so proud" "Your painting is the most beautiful I've ever seen" "You are excellent"

What do all of these phrases have in common? They're praise. 

Probably praise that we have all received and/or given at one time or another. But did you know that without specific construction to the praise that we give, it can have a negative effect?

Who would have thought that someone complimenting us after a game of soccer that we did perfectly could have a harmful effect? But Pocock (2017), compiled information from several sources that would indicate just that. In fact, they gave the following example:

“Tom, how much is eight times seven? … Right. Jane, nine times six? … Okay. Bill, do you know how much is two times two? … Good, Bill! That’s exactly right! Nancy, how much is nine times eight? … Right.” (Pocock, 2017).

The main point here is that one student is getting additional praise for solving an easier problem than his other classmates. While it is important to acknowledge any person's efforts, the difficulty comes from the over-achieving praise. 

When discussing some of the possible negative effects of praise, Barish (2023) found that it "increased anxiety and ultimately undermine their initiative and confidence."

So what are our options for acknowledging the things our children do right? Our focus should be encouraging the child to continue to put forth effort into doing the best they can, not to be perfect at everything. With this in mind, we should steer away from "praising children’s abilities, rather than their effort (Barish, 2023). 

Here are some examples:

You studied hard on your driver's book, and now you've passed the exam! I am happy to see your success.

Your soccer kicks show you put a lot of effort into getting the ball into the net!

What a beautiful drawing, you must have put a lot of time into it!

Now go back and review the examples at the beginning of this post, and I'll bet you'll see a difference. 

References

Barish, K. (2023, February 6). Are our children overpraised?. Child Mind Institute. https://childmind.org/article/are-our-children-overpraised/#:~:text=It%20has%20become%20common%20in,undermine%20their%20initiative%20and%20confidence.

Pocock, J. (2017, February 22). Are we spoiling our kids with too much praise? - JSTOR DAILY. https://daily.jstor.org/are-we-spoiling-our-kids-with-too-much-praise/